[thank goodness, mystery isn't either, or else he would've tried offing himself long ago. it's enough having to deal with his own thoughts, let alone other people's, especially if it meant having no control over it and just constantly being bombarded with voices at random times. focusing on his own wants and needs, particularly in this moment, it's more than enough to have him reeling, his emotions a jumbled mess and his thoughts even messier— but romance's grip on him is firm and it's reassuring in a way he can't explain.
he clears his throat, preparing to answer romance's question, but something in him tells him to stop, to really think about this before he decides if this is what he wants or not.
does he want just romance or does he want the freedom of fooling around with the other saja boys, too? his feelings are twisted, wanting and needing colliding with each other, but it always circles back to the same thing: he wants and he needs romance. sure, the other boys have always treated him well, but they've never lived up to the way romance treats him; romance treats him like he's everything and he wishes for it to be the same with him in return.
a fun little romp with the other boys is fine, but it's nothing in comparison to the emotions he feels when he's with romance.
that panic starts rising in his chest again, the sensation gripping him so hard, it makes his throat close up, like the feeling alone is enough to suffocate him— then romance's forehead touches his and he exhales a breath he didn't realize he'd been holding. i want you, mystery. oh, and he is slipping deeper and deeper into it every second they're together.
his fingers squeeze around romance's briefly, then he releases his hands and reaches them to cup romance's face, holding him in place while he continues staring at him long and hard. he has never wanted romance to feel like he's just a one-time thing, no matter how many times they actually hook up, and if this is his chance to prove it by letting his emotions out, then so be it.]
Just us, Romance. [mystery's voice is still unwavering, dead-set and completely certain.] You and I. Nobody else.
[because romance is that important to him, so much so that even if he has to rip his own heart out and present it to him, he'll do it. whatever will make him happy.
he loves the other boys too, but not like he loves romance. and that's the thing of it, isn't it? he loves him and it's taken this long to realize that that's the exact word he wanted to put to the feeling he felt when they were first together.]
Whatever I have to do, whatever you want me to do, I'll do it to prove that I want just us.
no subject
he clears his throat, preparing to answer romance's question, but something in him tells him to stop, to really think about this before he decides if this is what he wants or not.
does he want just romance or does he want the freedom of fooling around with the other saja boys, too? his feelings are twisted, wanting and needing colliding with each other, but it always circles back to the same thing: he wants and he needs romance. sure, the other boys have always treated him well, but they've never lived up to the way romance treats him; romance treats him like he's everything and he wishes for it to be the same with him in return.
a fun little romp with the other boys is fine, but it's nothing in comparison to the emotions he feels when he's with romance.
that panic starts rising in his chest again, the sensation gripping him so hard, it makes his throat close up, like the feeling alone is enough to suffocate him— then romance's forehead touches his and he exhales a breath he didn't realize he'd been holding. i want you, mystery. oh, and he is slipping deeper and deeper into it every second they're together.
his fingers squeeze around romance's briefly, then he releases his hands and reaches them to cup romance's face, holding him in place while he continues staring at him long and hard. he has never wanted romance to feel like he's just a one-time thing, no matter how many times they actually hook up, and if this is his chance to prove it by letting his emotions out, then so be it.]
Just us, Romance. [mystery's voice is still unwavering, dead-set and completely certain.] You and I. Nobody else.
[because romance is that important to him, so much so that even if he has to rip his own heart out and present it to him, he'll do it. whatever will make him happy.
he loves the other boys too, but not like he loves romance. and that's the thing of it, isn't it? he loves him and it's taken this long to realize that that's the exact word he wanted to put to the feeling he felt when they were first together.]
Whatever I have to do, whatever you want me to do, I'll do it to prove that I want just us.